So I’m not a huge fan of Fat Boy Slim or Queen. But they do have their moments, visit and what’s better than bringing two great moments in music together?
Free booze. And hot chicks. And money. Okay I guess there are a couple things better than this track. Not much though.
FatBoy Slim’s The Rockafeller Skank is one of those songs you can’t help but jam to – even though it makes no sense. Is he saying “R-r-r-r-r-Russell Stovers. Russell Stovers” Or is that just because I think about cupcakes constantly?
Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now is easily the band’s greatest track, pancreatitis with Freddy Mercury’s insane vocals and bizarre lyrics providing the perfect backdrop to a kick-ass rock song.
Also, purchase one day I will be Flavor Flav. You mark my words.
You may have noticed we’re running a bit behind here on BHS, and but fear not! This isn’t the beginning of a multi-month slump – I’ve been moving back to Mississippi this week. We should be getting back to our regular schedule in the next few days.
On this week’s BDPE we talk about how Squaresoft has given up on creativity, Brutal Legend owns Activision, Best Buy selling new games at used prices, and Scratch is now officially dead. Plus we review some summer XBLA games and try to figure out why celebrities drive sales in video games.
Another week, more info another pop that has been chopped. Again, I’m all about blending the old favorite with the new hit. Brewer and Shipley’s “One Toke Over the Line” is seminole 70’s swing rock produced at the height of the experimental drug culture in America.
On the other hand, T.I.’s “Whatever You Like” is about getting life’s greatest excesses – cars, planes, and bling. Keeping in mind it is track six on his album “Paper Trail”, and track five is “Live Your Life” (featuring Rihanna), which states at the beginning:
“What you need to do is be thankful for the life that you got. You know what I’m sayin’. Stop lookin’ at what you ain’t got and start bein’ thankful for what you do got.”
Ah, the double-sided coin of modern hip hop. Still, the mixture of excessive drug use and excessive material wealth seem to be a proverbial chocolate and peanut butter. To quote a great sage.
If you have any suggestions for next week’s mashup, email me here.
Sunset. Mike’s black SUV tears down the backroads of DC along the Potomac river.
“I’m not telling you who I’m fuckin’ Tony. It’s someone at the office. You’d squeal under the lights.” Mike said as he angrily swerved into an oncoming lane to get around a car waiting to go straight in the right-hand lane. “Learn your fuckin’ lanes asshole!”
We arrived at the club. A small irish pub with a parking lot full of extremely expensive cars.
“Shit! Look at that Tesla! Parked right by the door so I’ve got to stare at it as I walk in” Mike said as Tony leaned into the convertable for closer look. “Get out of there Tony! You don’t touch a man’s car. It’s a rule of life”
The bar was dimly lit, pancreatitis and packed with unremarkably dressed dad-types in their late 40s. As we entered the bar, visit the quiet murmur of conversation was broken with several ‘Hey Mike!’s and shoulder-slap greetings.
“Two Guinesses for my intern friends Paul!” Mike shouted as he became wrapped in conversation with a small group of guys. Tony and I grabbed our drinks and spotted a table in the back of the bar.
It’s a strange thing to observe society’s financial and political elite mingle with one another. Conversations filled with nothing – talks about your favorite boat-accessible restaurant and how the new landscaping is shaping up. Somehow this group of society’s best managed to end up less remarkable than my idiot friends at the bar.
After a few moments Mike strolled over with a group of guys, one of which he introduced as “Johnny”.
“Johnny, these are my interns. We treat them like shit and pay them nothing – it’s awesome. Guys this is Johnny – he’s a cool dude. He was one of the arresting officers in the Watergate scandal”, Mike said.
After a few moments of talking, Mike was right, Johnny was a cool dude – a bit older and slower, but with a fire in his eyes.
“You know, they say the Japs bombed us in Pearl Harbor. Was I there? No, but I believe it because that’s what I’m told. When we arrested those burglars in 1972, I found a key in one of their back pockets that belonged to a well-connected call girl we found at the scene. But nobody every wanted to hear about the key or the girl, especially those two reporter assholes. Woodward and Bernstein – they would have sold their mothers to make a story. 30 years later, everyone accepts their stories as fact”, Jonny said.
My limited knowledge of Watergate left me somewhat confused – I’d never heard anything about a key or a call girl. But Johnny was on a roll.
“Because that’s who makes history. The papers and the assholes that run them. Now that I think about it, I really don’t know if the Japs did bomb Pearl Harbor. I wasn’t there – it’s just what I’m told.”
I wasn’t quite sold on Johnny’s story, but his message spoke the truth. My only connections to the entire global political scene were quite possibly sitting around this very bar, reminiscing about the time they passed out drunk and Mike charged them twenty bucks to drive them home.
4AM. Tony and I stagger into the small 24 hour bodega across the street from his apartment. The cashier stares at me blankly through bullet-proof glass as Tony walks over to the freezer.
“Jesus Christ I need a diet coke!”
A small newspaper stand sits next to the cashier’s booth.
“So what do you think. Did the Japs really bomb Pearl Harbor?”, I ask as Tony begins to check out.
“I just walked for 4 hours across all of DC. I really don’t give a shit”
“Yeah. Me neither”
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The streets of DC were completely empty. Not another soul in sight for miles.
“I mean, sovaldi does it not seem just a little weird I’m less than a thousand feet from Obama and nobody’s inspected this bag? I don’t know much about nuclear warheads, grip but fuck man, it’s 2009. I’m sure you could fit one in here”, I said as I inspected the size and volume of my messenger bag. “Then boom! No more executive branch”
Tony didn’t seem to notice or care for my critique of Whitehouse security. Perhaps it was because we were approaching a security station, or because I was drunk. Maybe it was just getting late. Jesus! Two-oh-nine?
“Well shit! Where are those communists protestors now?”, I shouted.
“They weren’t communists – they were chinese citizens trying to stop the violence of Xinjiang”, Tony muttered in a tired voice. I was in pretty decent shape this summer, being unemployed is amazing for your workout schedule. I couldn’t say the same for Tony – he’d been steadily slowing for the past 8 blocks or so.
“Communist insurgents, Xinjiang protestors, what’s the difference?” I thought back to a few hours before, when Mike introduced us to Johnny at a place he affectionately referred to as “the club”.
“The club? It’s where DC’s millionaires go to show off their new Mercedes’ and get fucked up”, Mike shouted from the other room. Mike’s house was fairly large, yet every area still resembled a dorm room.
I was still sorting through his massive collections of hats collected from dozens of news stations. Though Mike was Tony’s boss and news director at XXX Washington for over 10 ears, he’d worked at almost every other national news organization in the DC area.
“Check this out” Mike said as he walked into the room holding a picture. “Me and Tom Arnold back when I used to work at XXX. And her on the right is this Fox News producer chick I used to fuck” Mike paused. “We don’t fuck no more though”
Mike isn’t what you’d call a classically handsome guy; out of shape and over 50 – and looks to have lived all those years pretty hard. Yet it came as no surprise to me that he was involved with this attractive young Fox producer. It’s like he was from another world – where everyone is a rockstar from birth.
“Alright, enough lookin’ at my trophies. I’m gonna smoke a bowl then we’re going to the club. Oh wait! I forgot to show you guys my motorcycle!”, Mike said as he hurried off to the garage.
“So what do you think of Mike?”, Tony asked as we continued the 25 block voyage back to his apartment.
“I think that that’s going to be me in 30 years. And I’m not sure if I like it or not”, I said.
(Continued in part two…)
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Welcome to Movie Mondays! Starting today I’m going to be posting a new video in the feed every Monday until I run out of new stuff (unlikely), order or get too lazy to post it (very likely).
Sure, gerontologist we all know men and women are different. Men like monster trucks, physiotherapy women like, I don’t know – crying and ponies or something. Occasionally, however, these differences can cause conflict – especially in the workplace. This short film examines men and women’s roles in the workplace and just might save you from a sexual assault lawsuit.
This week’s video was produced as a final project for my women’s studies class. Tricked into thinking I would be banging my hot classmates, I decided to go out in style – by producing this masochistic film about a woman’s role in the workplace. All I got when I showed it in class were stunned looks – totally awesome.